My Crush vs. My Damnation

The word "crush" strikes me as both an odd and extremely telling word. How can our Bambi-like romantic dramas, our initial and informal executions of stuttered speech, stealthy glances, and sly showmanship towards the opposite sex(or same sex, choose your best fit) be reduced to a giggle inspiring word? I've seen grown adults reduced to beet red, blubbering fools as they utter the word C-R-U-S-H in a hurried half-whisper, half-shriek.
I call for a veto of this word, a complete removal of it from the lover's lexicon. The word crush is merely a euphemism for when we fall victim to Cupid's cruel rectal probe. Pierced, wounded, shot down: we find ourselves a dream and a heart-shaped scribble away from our buffoonish demise. So perhaps, crush is a telling word for what is ultimately awaiting us: defeat, humiliation, restlessness, and anticipation. Gasp! Therefore, I purpose a more honest form of introduction. Instead of saying "[insert name] is my crush" we should say "[insert name]is my damnation." By saying "My damnation" you accept full responsibility for your dopamine induced stupidity when in the presence of this person. Additionally, the word damnation has a morally rich, bloody, and Judeo-Christian connotation. Think: Romans feeding tender Christian chops to hungry lions. Think: Spanish Inquisition. Think: John the Baptist's head on your Aunt Edna's heirloom platter.The word crush is too flat, too secular in connotation. Think: Foot accidentally pressing down on a garden snail. Think: Hammer missing a nail and landing on your thumb. Think: Crowded bus with standing people. What's the difference between the word crush and the word damnation you ask? The degree of hyperbole. Always opt for the phrase "my damnation" over "my crush" because if ever you are rejected by your potential snuggle bug, you can then feign martyrdom rather than loserdom.


So whose your "damnation"?